


Never Brought to Mind

by TheNerdVoice



Series: Charlie & El [2]
Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, Getting Back Together, Grieving, Healing, never the same mistake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-24
Packaged: 2019-10-10 14:36:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17427800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNerdVoice/pseuds/TheNerdVoice
Summary: On the second anniversary of her daughter's death, Serena finds an unexpected visitor to her grave site. How will she react when her daughter's former lover refuses to allow her to make the same mistakes she did?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

>  
> 
>   
> 
> 
> _This takes place 2 years after the first story. Elinor's anniversary is 3 January, and I meant to post this then, but it wasn't even something I was completely sure I wanted to do. However, with recent events, I felt it needed to happen._

She fainted when her mother told her about Elinor dying. They spent the new year together at a roof party. Elinor arrived with her boyfriend, per the usual, and left with her. They were happy. They woke in one another’s arms, nude, covered in the quilt on her bed.

 

Charlotte takes a drag of her cigarette, leaning her back against the young woman’s headstone. She does this often now. “Two years, El. Can you believe that?” She licks her lips in thought, “You know, I thought for sure your parents would have been by...unless they were already. It’s...a bit late.” Reaching into her knee-high leather boot, she retrieves an aluminium flask, “Vodka...more your thing than it is mine.” Charlotte smirks to herself, amused with the thought.

 

“Oh, hello. Are you-” Serena begins, having heard the young person before seeing them. Never really getting the opportunity to meet many of Elinor’s friends before her death, never actually wanting to. “Charlotte...must say, you are the last person I expected to see here.”

 

Her eyes widened as they continue to look at one another, the air growing stale. Charlotte outstretches her hand with the flask, offering it toward the woman. “It’s nice seeing you again.” Cameron had informed her of Serena’s split from her mother and she was incredibly disappointed by it all. “Care for a sip?”

 

For some reason, Serena takes the flask from the young woman, quickly bringing it to her lips in a sip. Serena crinkles her nose at the taste, not expecting vodka, “I didn’t realize you and Elinor were closer than...” She doesn’t finish the thought, shaking her head, “I apologize, I just...didn’t expect you here...or anyone else besides family.”

 

Charlie smirks, thinking of the statement, “You know, Cam told me about you and Mum-”

 

“I apologize, that isn’t-”

 

“Elinor and I were...more than friends, Serena.” The young woman just spills the information, as if unable to hold it back any longer, keeping her eyes on the other woman. “We were together before you and Mum were.”

 

“That’s impossible. You had only just met one another at our Christmas.” Serena answers quickly.

 

Charlotte shakes her head a little, “No...she was angry with me for taking the job in Boston...and thought you would be disappointed if she followed me there.” Her eyes don’t dare leave her former lover’s grieving mother. “I loved her...so much, Serena. I would have-” Charlie feels her eyes begin to well with unshed tears, “I would have taken her place in a heartbeat.”

 

“Don’t.” Serena shakes her head, holding her free hand out to stop the younger woman from continuing.

 

“I sat in the back of the church during the funeral. I wanted...I didn’t want you and Mum to see me.” She clears her throat, wiping her wet cheeks, not having seen the woman since then. “I wanted to tell you...it just never...seemed like the right time.” She can’t believe she actually said anything. “I’ll go...I’m sorry.”

 

“Please, stay.” Serena replies softly, “Please.” Her gaze turns toward the ground, staring at the engraving of her only daughter’s name, “I hate coming here alone. Bernie was always with me before...and, to be quite honest, for fear of betraying my own pride, I miss her greatly. Both of them.” She feels her chin begin to tremble, knowing there’s no stopping it once she starts.

 

Charlotte quickly wraps her arms around Serena when she breaks down fully, holding onto her tightly. She finds herself closing her own eyes, never having the opportunity to grieve with another person. “You’re doing this to yourself, you know. Your own exile...and for what?”

 

“I cheated.” Serena finally says, trying to calm herself a bit. She doesn’t shrug away the younger woman. She reminds her so much of Bernie, even with Charlotte’s newly sky blue dyed hair. “I betrayed her...and she deserves so much better.”

 

“She doesn’t want better, she wants you.” Charlotte licks her lips, keeping an arm still around the woman as she turns to glance down to the headstone again. “Listen to me for a moment.” She pauses, swallowing, “Elinor Campbell was the love of my life. Even after that year I moved to America. I moved back for her. I moved back because I loved her.” The welling of tears in her own eyes seems to grow, “that opportunity for us to spend the rest of our days together was ripped from me...ripped from the both of us.” One escapes her eye, “I know you still love Mum, I can tell. Don’t throw it away. For the love of Christ, don’t throw it away.” Her head shakes negatively, slowly.

 

It’s Serena’s turn to hold the young woman. Slowly processing that they’re both still in mourning and she doesn’t ever know if it will end. She clears her throat, realizing they were just standing there, holding onto one another for what seems like forever, “Are you, uh...are you hungry?”

 

 _Odd question_ , Charlotte realizes, clearing her throat as she calms herself once more. “I am, actually.” A quick smirk flashes across her face, “So, is this a date?” She teases a bit, knowing Elinor would be laughing at the two of them if she could see them now.

 

“As bad as your mother.” Serena can’t help except be amused by the young woman. “I’d...really like to hear about you and Elinor.”

 

“I can agree to that...if you give Mum a call.” Charlie raises an eyebrow, “Hell, I’ll video conference her myself. She’ll answer my call...whether she likes it or not.” Noticing the other woman about to argue, she lifts a hand to stop her, “You’re not going to make the same mistakes we did...because I won’t let you. I owe El that much.”

 

“She hated being called El-”

 

“Not by me.” Charlotte starts to grin, motioning with a tilt of her head toward their vehicles, “I’ll follow.”

 

“Is that a motorcycle?” Serena pauses, furrowing her brow, “Does your mother know you’re driving that?”

 

Charlie shrugs, walking away from her, “You can go ahead and tell her.”


	2. Chapter 2

_ “So...when are you going to come clean with him?” Charlotte kept her arms wrapped around Elinor’s waist from behind, motioning with a tilt of her head toward the man Elinor arrived with earlier, as she softly kissed a bare patch of skin at Elinor’s neck that wasn’t covered with a scarf, “or come clean with yourself?” _

 

_ Elinor didn’t know if she should answer, or if she did, would it be good enough. “I thought you weren’t going to stay. I thought it was going to be like before with you.” A part of her knew she would sound needed, if not childlike in a way. “I’d...I’d want to be your shadow and never leave your side and-” _

 

_ “I told you to come with me before. I promised you that I would take care of you, no matter what. I’d give you the world, El. I’m able to.” Charlie continued to keep her arms around her lover as Elinor turned to face her, “Only if you let me.” _

 

_ There’s something that Elinor was able to see that forced her to recognize that Charlie was telling the truth. “And you won’t leave again?” _

 

_ “Only to retrieve my things from my flat in Boston...and you can even come with me. I have a cat now.” Charlotte tilted her head to the side, smirking a little, “We can get a new flat here. Something close to your uni. I can finish my foundation studies at Holby City General or Saint James’.” She shrugged a little, “We’ll have a great life.” _

 

_ “I’m...doing some work at Holby for school in a few days. I can see if there’s anything available for you there.” Elinor offered before shrugging, “I’ve...never been a lesbian before.” _

 

_ Charlotte raised an eyebrow, “Funny, we aren’t starting now. I’m pansexual and you’re...figuring things out.” She began to smile, “and that’s fine. There does not need to be labels. We don’t need anything to define what this is-” _

 

_ “Except love.” Elinor began to grin, signifying that she was comfortable with the thought of them together. _

 

“That was the last time we...” Charlie brings a hand up to wipe over her cheek, not wanting the other woman to notice, “woke up together.”

 

“The rooftop party.” Serena smiles softly, warmly. “I remember Elinor saying something about it.” She focuses on the young woman, noticing the ‘Ellie’ tattoo on her forearm, “And you moved local.”

 

“Yes.” Charlotte nods, “I was going to school while also being a pharmaceutical representative. I was a top rep, so I was treated really well...paid well with benefits. My parents didn’t need to pay for my education, but they insisted at the time, allowing me to buy whatever flat I wanted, but I was modest about it all. Most I did was a cat and my motorcycle.”

 

“Which I still can’t fathom why you would have made that purchase.”

 

“Why not?” Charlotte smirks a little, removing her mobile from her pocket, “Speaking of which, you said you were going to tell Mum about it.”

 

“Charlotte, I really don’t think-” Serena attempts to stop Charlie’s thought process, tilting her head to the side.

 

Too late. It’s already playing the soft music of a video conference. Bernie seems thrilled on the other end of the line, ‘Charlie, Happy New Year, darling.”

 

“Hullo, Mum.” Charlotte gives her mother a genuine smile, “How are you? Attending any wild parties, have you?”

 

“No, not at all.” With just a simple statement, Bernie sounds lost, sad, “Apartment hunting, currently.”

 

“Sticking around?”

 

“Yes, um...I reckon my traveling days are over for a while. Maybe the occasional venture to Paris or Madrid, but I’m going to stay local.” Bernie offers her daughter a closed mouth smile, “I’ve...missed out on far too much.”

 

Charlie nods, giving Serena a pleased look before glancing back to the mobile screen, “So, I was busy haunting the local cemetery over my lost lovers and you’ll never guess who I ran into-”

 

“Serena.” Bernie almost sounds hopeful, though she isn’t expecting much in the least, “It’s Elinor’s second anniversary. I was going to pop to her grave to place some flowers, but I didn’t want to disturb-”

 

“Bernie.” Serena takes Charlotte’s mobile when it’s offered to her, tears in her eyes. A part of her knew the woman wouldn’t forget, while another part wished she felt differently, “It would have been really nice to see you.” She licks her lips, swallowing, “Come home. We have much to discuss.”


	3. Chapter 3

Bernie rubs a hand over her face, “I don’t understand.” She tilts her head to the side, “Why didn’t you tell us about your relationship with Elinor before now?” She had rushed over after disconnecting her call with her daughter.

 

“I didn’t see a need.” Charlotte shrugs, “El and I were together before the two of you. We found it amusing that, of all the people that could put Serena on the turn, it was my Mum. The Wolfe irresistibility.” 

 

“It’s a real thing, apparently.” Serena places the kettle of water onto the stove as they all sit comfortably on stools at the kitchen island, “Were you the one that did that for Elinor?”

 

“No, but I was different then.” Charlie adjusts her cotton sweatshirt hoodie, “I was...overworked and underutilized, I was finishing up school. Elinor came onto me...said she found me interesting. So I took her home...and she didn’t leave for six months. I was the one to ruin that one.”

 

“Ruin it in what way?”

 

“I didn’t speak with her about moving to Boston until it was nearly time for me to go. I even offered to help her transfer credits in order for her to come along, but-” Charlotte shrugs, “I excelled in Boston. Got a cat. None of it mattered though without Elinor there with me.”

 

Bernie and Serena glance toward one another. Both shocked and amused by how closely Charlotte’s story matches their own relationship.

 

“That Christmas, when we saw one another again after a year apart, made us both realize how ridiculous we were both being.” Charlie clears her throat, glancing toward the stove when the kettle begins to whistle. “And that New Year party was one of the last times I saw her.”

 

“I phoned you that night she died.” Bernie stares again in her daughter’s direction.

 

_ Charlotte touched the screen of her mobile as she jogged on the treadmill, smiling a bit, “Mum, Happy New Year.” She stepped off, out of courtesy since there were others in the small gym within the hotel. “You and Serena had a wild time, I imagine.” It was only a couple days prior. _

 

_ “Only a quiet night at home...just the two of us.” Bernie sat in her car, glad there weren’t many people around, “Just...really glad to hear your voice. I needed to hear it.” _

 

_ “Getting sappy in your own age?” Charlie raised an amused eyebrow. “Not that I mind...” She paused, sensing something else was on her mother’s mind via the silence on the other end of the line, “Everything okay?” _

 

_ “Yeah.” Bernie did her best not to start crying again, knowing she needs to be strong for both Serena and her family, “Um...I know you didn’t really seem to get on with her at Christmas, but Serena’s daughter, Elinor...died not long ago. Car accident.” _

 

_ Things seemed to move in slow motion for her. Charlotte lowered the mobile from her ear before it finally just fell from her fingertips to the floor. _

 

“I didn’t think you heard me, the line went dead.” Bernie shakes her head, “but I couldn’t phone you back. I didn’t have it in me and I figured you didn’t want to...speak to me.”

 

“No...I lost consciousness. They returned me to my room, phoned an on-site medic. Chalked it up to dehydration...probably knew what to say from all the drug overdoses over the years within that place. Even had me on a saline drip.” Charlie is able to laugh about it now, “whole nine yards. The next morning, I extended my hotel stay another week and made all the business calls I needed to. I needed to find my own flat. I wasn’t leaving again. I promised El before things went to hell that I wouldn’t...and I keep my promises.”

 

Bernie folds her arms across her chest, glancing over toward her daughter. “I really wish you would have told me sooner. Not necessarily about Elinor, but about...other things.”

 

“About me sleeping around?” Charlie raises an eyebrow, “Not exactly something one brings up to their mother, but I’m not that way now. I uh...actually haven’t been with anyone since El. I don’t know if I can bring myself to it. At least...not right now. Maybe one day.”

 

Serena glances away from them, tears in her eyes, “I wish you would have had a longer time together...truly lived a life that you both wanted. However, I highly doubt she’d want you to keep yourself back for her.”

 

“You and I both know she’d love it. She’d love to know that she’s the only one ever on my mind.” Charlie watches the woman, “I can’t even...I’m not even interested in being with anyone at the moment. Maybe it’s just a sign of me growing up.” A light smirk gracing the corner of her mouth, “but there isn’t anyone I’ve...” She isn’t able to finish her thought. Going silent for a moment before clearing her throat, “I won’t let the two of you make that same mistake.” She stands, walking to the end of the island to look at the two older women better.

 

“It was my decision.” Serena replies softly.

 

“Because you thought Mum was going to run back to Nairobi. Mum...you’d do whatever Serena wanted. The two of you...are the most intelligent women I know. However, that does not mean you know what you’re doing in terms of love.” Charlotte watches them, “I lost Elinor. I lost the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Not because we were broken up or one of us moved on. Nothing like that. I don’t have the opportunity to get that back. The two of you do.”

 

“You can’t force people to be in love, Charlie.” Bernie mumbles.

 

“I’m not forcing anything.” Charlotte folds her arms, a fire burning behind her eyes. “Look at one another.” Her tone almost like a schoolmarm or a mother attempting to break up disagreement between her children. “Serena, you’re guilty. I get it. That was a shit thing to do all around, but two wrongs don’t make a right. Mum...I don’t even think you’re angry with her. I reckon you’re hurt, but you know that your communication skills...have never been...great.”

 

“Puts it mildly.” Serena mumbles.

 

“You knew she was that way and yet you acted like a child because you couldn’t get a hold of her. What if something awful had happened? They were attacked and she was injured?” Charlotte scowls toward the woman, “I understand grief. For fucks sake, I get it, but there’s a line where your grief isn’t an excuse...and you need to grow up.”

 

Bernie exhales slowly, a part of her feeling the need to protect Serena from Charlotte’s wrath, “Charlie, that isn’t-”

 

“And you...” Charlotte turns toward her mother, not holding back on either of these women, not seeing a need to. “Radio silence is never a good idea. Never. Not with your partners and definitely not with your children.” She meets her mother’s eyes that she shares, “If you’re staying here, which we all want you to do, please just...talk to us. Be with us.”

 

“That’s the plan.” Bernie leans her elbow onto the countertop, chin resting comfortably against her closed fist, “It was never intentional. None of it. Well...just before Jason’s wedding it was, but I just...wanted to surprise and I knew that if I spoke to you all, I would have said something.”

 

“You’re better at keeping secrets than that.” Charlie mumbles a little.

 

“Not from Serena.” Bernie lifts a hand to tuck a stray portion of hair behind her ear. The room falls silent for a moment as she lifts her head up again to meet the mentioned woman’s eyes. “I do hope you know that.”

 

Serena gives a closed mouth smile toward her as she looks toward the floor. Her face covered in self disappointment. “Yes, I do.”


	4. Chapter 4

Bernie watches as her daughter finally breaks down into an uncontrollable sob, watching as her former partner holds onto the young woman as they slowly sink to the floor. She doesn’t know how to respond to this outpouring of emotion. She bites her lip, reaching a hand out to gently take hold of the young woman’s forearm. She watches Serena, her own eyes becoming damp with tears. “Charlotte, did you drive yourself?”

 

Serena raises an eyebrow, “with that motorcycle out front.” She never, in a million years, thought she would have yet another connection with Bernie Wolfe. Not only does her nephew, psuedo-son, idolize the ground the blonde walks on, but now she finds out their daughters were in a relationship. 

 

“Motorcycle?” Bernie raises her eyebrows, “I always wanted one when I was younger.” Noticing Serena’s amused scowl, she shrugs. “Charlie, I need you to listen to me for a moment.”

 

Charlie swallows, slowly lifting her head. Her eyes red and glassy, she’s cried over Elinor so many times already. She’s even felt numb about her. Elinor Campbell has caused Charlotte Dunn to feel every emotion during their time together. At least it feels that way.

 

“Serena and I...we need to work on the issues between us together. That’s our...issue. It has nothing to do with you or Elinor. I’m sorry you’ve had to feel such pain,” Bernie absently licks her lips, “but it’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to feel pain or to need to speak to someone about it. Whether it be us, or...a professional. You aren’t alone and you don’t need to feel as if you are.”

 

Serena’s actually touched by the woman’s words, knowing that Bernie was truly the only reason she survived Elinor’s death. “And if you’re up for it, I’d love to hear more stories about your time together...I’m sure your mother would as well.” 

 

“And maybe let us take ride on the motorcycle.” Bernie’s has never liked to see her children upset, especially like this. She’s always turned on the sarcasm ever since they were small. Bernie notices her daughter’s slight smirk, “I’ll even con Campbell into getting on.”

 

“I will not get on that motorcycle.” Serena begins to shake her head, loosening her arms around the young woman.

 

_ Elinor brought Charlotte’s hand to her mouth, gently kissing her knuckles as they watched the New Year’s fireworks overhead. “This is going to be a great year. Can’t wait to have a decent flat again...especially with you...and your amazing taste in interior design.” _

 

_ Charlotte chuckled a little to herself, “What do you think your parents are going to say?” _

 

_ “About my moving in with a roommate over being alone?” Ellie shrugged, “They don’t need to know anything.” She turned into Charlie’s arms, placing a tender kiss to her lips. “We’ll get a two bedroom...make one our office.” _

 

_ “You’re planning it all out.” Charlie raised an eyebrow, smiling a little. _

 

_ “We’ll both need it for school-” _

 

_ “Even though our stuff will probably be spread all about in our lounge.” _

 

_ “Exactly,” Ellie nodded, “It will be ours though. All ours. No one else’s.” _

 

_ “Our mothers will be none the wiser.” Charlie shrugged, amused with the entire concept of the women finding one another. She always thought it had something to do with genetics or destiny. Maybe a bit of both. “Proud their daughters are getting along so well...being amazing sisters to one another.” _

 

_ “You’re propper grotty.” Elinor giggled though, as she always did. _

 

“I just don’t believe she should be on the road tonight. She’s not in a state for it.” Serena explains, glad they’ve gotten the girl situated on the sofa. “Tomorrow is not a problem, but...” She pauses, “Unless you believe-”

 

“No, I concur.” Bernie nods, surprised Serena’s entertaining the idea of Charlotte staying here for the night. “If you’d rather I take her to my-”

 

“Hotel room?”

 

Shrugging, Bernie raises an eyebrow, “That’s where I am at the moment.”

 

“Why?” Serena sighs softly, “I really did believe you would go back to Nairobi. I thought that’s where you were happy.”

 

“I was-” She thinks for a moment how best to say the words she wants to say without sounding so desperate or pathetic, “I was happy with you.” Bernie finally admits, not actually caring anymore, “I gave up Nairobi for you. I’d do it again, but...I just want you to be happy. If that isn’t with me, then so be it.”

 

“Come home.” Serena finally says, swallowing after, “Just come here. If it’s too uncomfortable-”

 

“Is this your way of saying that you want me back?” When she’s brought to silence by Serena’s lips against her own, Bernie hums her satisfaction in the kiss, grinning against the other woman’s lips once they finally part. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

 

“I was being a sour old cow.” Serena has tears in her eyes, disappointed in herself. “Our daughters loved one another and your daughter feels so strongly about us that she...” Motioning toward the lounge with a tilt of her head in the general direction, “That she demanded we talk to one another. Put her own sanity on the line.”

 

“Sanity is in the eye of the beholder.” Bernie tilts her head back, exhaling a breath she wasn’t aware she was holding in the first place. “I do have her keys to the motorcycle.” She holds her finger up, swinging the key around. “We could take a quick trip around...and she’d be none the wiser.”

 

“After all the motorcycle related RTC we’ve treated?” Serena raises an eyebrow.

 

“Oh, come on, Campbell. Live a little.” A sparkle in Bernie’s eye is something Serena fell in love with years ago, she reaches down, taking hold of the other woman’s hand. “Down the way and back. I’ll go slow.” Bernie doesn’t mention her experience with vehicles like this or how she used something similar while in the Army.

 

Rolling her eyes, Serena begins to smile to herself, holding onto her girlfriend’s arm. They’d help Charlotte heal, especially if they’re together. They owe it to the memory of Elinor. Serena knows, though her daughter could be selfish at times, she’d want Charlotte taken care of. They will...together.


End file.
